either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
