he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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