i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
