the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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