Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
