The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
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