he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
