I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
