Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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