Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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