If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
my liver is dry heaving
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
