Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
