Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
