Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
