your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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