Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
