break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
