The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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