The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
