Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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