i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
4 words: hood of his car
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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