i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
