i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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