Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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