remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
