I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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