walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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