I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it's like iHOP with fire
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize