so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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