the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
