you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
