i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
