well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
