They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize