I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
