butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
