Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
How external is "for external use only"?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
