i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
