The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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