Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
