you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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