ugly people sure do ruin things
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
