You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
