You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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