Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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