I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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