he thought i was a dude.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I need a beard to bite.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
