If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
