can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
