your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I am midnight drunk by noon
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
