PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
