hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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