i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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