Nicole vs. Life
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
