When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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