Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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