Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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