I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
