so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she pinky promised me she was 18
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
