I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Michael Bay diarrhea
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
