Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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