she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
