you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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