One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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