So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
