I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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