If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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