He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
