HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
