I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
