Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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