just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
