He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
