420 ftw
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
