That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
