Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
