omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize