I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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