i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
