Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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