I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
