my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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