You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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