so let's talk penis.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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