I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
