all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
