I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
