Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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