apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
