She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
