wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
