It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I want a musical about memes.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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