i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
