I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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