My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
