At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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