You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
