We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
