I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize