Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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