sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
