At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
