I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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