I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
