Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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